COVERSTORY  04.26

Gabrielle Reece

Confluences of Strengths

Photography by Anne Menke
IconicFocus Models NYC/LA
Story by Diana Addison Lyle

When you are born with the athletic DNA of Gabrielle Reece, that genetic springboard should take you far in life. Few people know, however, that she endured a childhood that could have broken her mentally. Raised in the U.S. Virgin Islands, Gabby lived with family friends in Long Island, New York, and during that time, her father died in a plane crash when she was just five years old. During those pivotal years, she didn’t implode. Instead, she developed a steely motto: “nothing and no one is above my own survival”. Gabby’s sports prowess became vastly evident at school in St. Petersburg, Florida, and later, she went on to graduate from Florida State University. She committed herself wholeheartedly to two parallel careers: a pro volleyball career and a sports fashion model trajectory.

Since then, Gabby Reece has earned worldwide respect for a work ethic second to none, an athletic and entrepreneurial career that is vastly successful and multi-dimensional, and a family life that richly fulfills her. She’s a professional speaker, podcast host, advocate for strength and health, author and model who has accomplished a gargantuan amount in the first half of her life. We begin our conversation by discussing the topic of genetics and how her survival instincts were so resolutely strong during her challenging childhood years. Referring to the daughters she shares with husband, Laird Hamilton, she offers this perspective:

“We have one daughter who is very empathetic and has an inclination to put the needs of others in front of her own needs. I was definitely born with an inherent self-protective mechanism, and that served me well, but I also think it became exaggerated or set into very high gear as a child because of my adverse circumstances. Not living with my parents ratcheted up that survival instinct. As a teenager and as a young adult, it might have made me too self-protective, and so I’ve had to really work on being vulnerable in my adult years. I’ve also re-worked my survival instinct into a positive trait, whether it’s in my personal care, my relationships or my work life. I have a strong sense of protecting my personal real estate and maybe it turns into an existential type of attitude.”

Gabby expands on that.

“We’ve been programed as women to feel guilty about being selfish; that it’s a bad thing whereas I feel – particularly in the last 20 years – that if I widen my own footprint, I have a greater capacity to be of service to the people in my life. They forget to teach us that minus the things that I cannot control, if I end up in a place where I’m frustrated or angry or resentful, the only person I really have to blame is myself. That intense honesty of what you really want is about personal accountability and that has worked out best for me because it makes me more considerate of the people who are in my world.”

Gabby achieved great success in her professional volleyball career. She was voted WBVL’s offensive player of the year and she holds the league’s record for most kills four years running. I ask her to what extent her ability to be a strong offensive player in sport stemmed from that resolute survival trait.

“I would say that I viewed it more as my job and that I needed to do it well; that responsibility is about taking ownership and doing one’s part for the team. It was about my commitment to my teammates, and I think that component was stronger than my driving force and my brutal competitiveness. It’s the same with a defensive position in a team. If I’m blocking a ball, I’m protecting and defending. If the people behind me are relying on me taking up this space as a protector, then I have to work to the best of my ability because if I don’t cover that space, not only do I lose their trust, but I put them in jeopardy. If the people you are playing against are very good, and they get past you, that’s part of the deal, but the mindset definitely is that you are there to be a trustworthy partner to your teammates. Doing my job allows them to focus on their space and their job.”

We cover the all-important topic of accountability.

“We live in a time when there’s a lot of deflection and lack of accountability,” Gabby explains. “I see it as there being no alternative but to be responsible because to abdicate that hurts everyone and yourself. When we blame others, nothing positive comes out of that. Even if something isn’t fair or it’s surprising, the key question is: what is our response to that? I hear people doing what I call circling the drain. They go round in circles deflecting the blame to someone else. While I don’t believe in taking an unfair situation lying down, dwelling on it will only result in a non-favorable outcome. Even though the circumstance feels unfair and I might have strong feelings about who dropped the ball, the key learning curve is to re-direct the course and move forward with a constructive plan. That’s what I hope for everyone.”

In 1997, Gabby married Laird Hamilton, the world’s all-around most consummate water man. In the land of fairytales, he was the prototype Prince whose white horse was a surfboard, and he swooshed in to pick up Gabby and paddle away with her out into the ocean – their metaphorical castle. However, life isn’t a fairytale, and Gabby has essential wisdom on the delusional trap inherent in fairytales.

Gabby’s personal shirt: Prada.Top: Lululemon. Jeans: Closed

I was born with an inherent self-protective mechanism, and that served me well, but I also think it became exaggerated or set into very high gear as a child because of my adverse circumstances. Not living with my parents ratcheted up that survival instinct. As a teenager and as a young adult, it might have made me too self-protective, and so I’ve had to really work on being vulnerable in my adult years

“Let’s say there’s a couple, and they have a child,” she says. “Then, let’s say they break up or let’s imagine that the dad disappears completely and doesn’t do the right thing. If the mother says to the child that it’s unfortunate that this has happened, and she gets up and goes to work every day in a constructive way, the child who sees that learns that life is not always a perfect scenario, but you have to get on with it in the best way you can.”

“Let’s look at the converse scenario,” Gabby continues. “Imagine if the mother endlessly complains to the child about how terrible life is, and how someone could behave so badly, then the child grows up with this heavy burden that something really terrible has happened to them. Of course, there are some circumstances that are genuinely absolutely horrible, but having those negative thoughts is counterproductive to life. If a child grows up thinking that the world has wronged him/her, there’s a victimhood stance that emanates from that versus if we can grow up recognizing that life is not always fair, but we get on with it nevertheless because everyone experiences the ups and the downs of it. Let’s take that further. If I grow up without that Snow White or Cinderella fairytale mindset, then it will never occur to me that someone is going to come along and make everything better.”

“When it comes to relationships,” Gabby emphasizes, “rather than waiting for the Prince on a white horse, a much healthier stance is to meet someone in regular life; to recognize that you really like this person and that you’d like to build a life with him/her. But because your mind isn’t infused with a fairytale, you realize that you might have to rescue that person from time to time, and in the same way, I might need that person to rescue me from time to time. A lot of preconceived ideas of what is ‘supposed to be’ ends up hurting us because we’re disappointed that the fairytale didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to. If we set up false expectations about life, we are going to be massively disappointed. It’s important to really know oneself and to find the place and time to figure out what really makes you feel good and happy. Then, you can figure out how to find that space more often. By doing that, you take control instead of being vulnerable to the world defining that for us.”

The famous quote, “Know thyself” was popularized by the Greek philosopher, Socrates, who emphasized the importance of self-reflection for wisdom and a meaningful life. The principle was expanded upon by the philosopher Aristotle, who wrote about the importance of understanding one’s strengths, weaknesses and motivations.

Gabby dives right into that.

“I have a daughter who is really into designer clothes. That’s her natural inclination. That was never my thing growing up so I never let the fashion world dictate to me what I should wear. Know yourself well enough where you get to decide what makes you feel good – regardless of the financial profits or the attention you might get. This world is so loud and with social media it’s louder than ever, and we are succumbing to this platform that tells us what’s good for us. We should never allow that to influence us. It’s about having the courage to trust our own inclinations and to forge a path that is good for us. That doesn’t mean you don’t celebrate the friends and the people you know who go on big, fancy trips. That’s what they love to do and be happy for them. But do YOU and don’t be influenced by what social media puts out there. If it’s not your jam, that’s ok. Being yourself inside the loud noise is a strength.”

Gabby admits that even though she knows what her jam is, she has questionable moments, and that’s normal.

“I’ll be really honest. There are days when I look at women and think, ‘wow! Her skin is perfect’, and it sets a standard that might make me feel that I’m not measuring up, but I’m really interested in trying NOT to be scared despite my vulnerabilities and my imperfections.”

And even though Gabby knows her own jam, she enjoys breakout moments wherein she gets to thoroughly enjoy the high-fashion world. She says with great enthusiasm,

“Look, if Vogue were to do a shoot with me and put me in high-fashion couture outfits, I would do it in a heartbeat. I LOVE those shoots. We can do both. This cover shoot that Anne Menke did for Westlake Malibu Lifestyle is athletic and natural. What I’m saying is that my moods can accommodate both. Doing beautiful pictures that are an exaggerated version of myself are wonderful to do. There’s a time and a place for everything. But I’ve also got to be realistic and realize that that’s probably not what I’m selling.”

Gabby is a world-renowned health and fitness leader whose platform is about achieving optimum health. She masterfully intertwines the components.

“I think health is intertwined with two other elements,” she elucidates. “I know that I need space for my personal sovereignty. I am so interested in being as capable as I can and while it’s impossible to be 100% capable, I have found that the sovereignty part is very important so that my decisions, my relationships, my moods and my time are given space so that I can be the best version of myself. I play a lot of different roles in life. I’m a mom, a wife, a podcaster, an athlete, a health advocate. That sovereignty insures I have that space in place first so that I can then go out and be a mom, a wife and all the other things I do. Strength to me shows itself in how you love, how you show up for work; how you react. I recognize that I’m physically strong and that’s important to me, but the real strength shows up in other aspects. I’ve been doing what I do long enough to know that you can be physically strong but if you are intellectually weak, one component affects the other. If I’m emotionally and spiritually feeble while being physically strong, I have a lot to work on. I am so interested in that idea of the continuation of strength for real. Yes, I was an athlete, but my quest is to be even stronger in those other dimensions.”

Terry Coat Simone Fan. Jeans: Anine Bing

I’ve been doing what I do long enough to know that you can be physically strong but if you are intellectually weak, one component affects the other. If I’m emotionally and spiritually feeble while being physically strong, I have a lot to work on. I am so interested in that idea of the continuation of strength for real. Yes, I was an athlete, but my quest is to be even stronger in those other dimensions

Gabby’s adverse childhood resulted in strong triggers that helped her to survive. She is a huge advocate on doing the work necessary to fully understand our behavioral patterns so that we can become more fulfilled in life.

“In my childhood, I was very much more feral because of my adverse circumstances,” she confirms. “I never got a big template smashed on top of me with a ‘this is how you are supposed to react’ sign. So, I would like to encourage other people to put in the introspective education and give them grace because in my case, I started the work really early.”

Gabby prefaces her parenting advice with humility and that’s why it carries important weight because she is so aware of the complexities of raising children.

“The unique aspect of every child makes it difficult for me to give universal advice to parents. But what I will say, and it’s certainly helped me with my girls when they became teenagers and young adults: get rid of the expectation that the language that works for you is going to be the language that resonates with them. What you learn is that your kids have a unique path and your job is to try to help them figure out who they are and encourage them in their path. I’ve learned that listening is key, and when I feel scared about whether they’re going to be ok or become self-independent or have meaningful relationships in life, I’ve learned to switch my fear into being constructive by helping them to be successful in whatever ways I can. I have faith that they are going to work it out. Fear brings out the worst aspects in parents. With it we lecture or try to control our kids, so I turn that feeling into an act of prayer. Most importantly I listen more. I’ll respond by saying respectfully, “can I share a thought with you?” That way you aren’t lecturing. It’s important that parents model good behavior. If we want our children to be polite, then we need to always be polite. If we want them to be honest, then we need to set that example. If I hope that my children are hard-working, then I need to set the standard. Part of the deal is knowing that you sometimes blow it; it’s not always a bull’s eye. It’s essential that we are loving and supportive and I truly believe that this gives them the best foundation for them to find their way in life.”

We discuss helicopter parenting, and Gabby admits some home truths:

“I’ve experienced aspects of that with my own daughters. Let’s face it, helicopter parenting is born out of fear: fear that things will go wrong in our children’s lives, but what I’ve learned is that we tend to focus on the wrong dangers. We worry about them going down a mountain too fast and breaking a leg, but I see significant potential harm in what they’re consuming on their iPhone, iPad and computers. It can lead to harmful levels of comparison and anti-social behavior. Impossible bars have been set.”

Human connection is vital to our souls, and Gabby’s concerns within the high-tech world are endorsed by neurological experts.

“I’m deeply concerned that our kids are losing the art of communicating eyeball to eyeball. Human connection is vitally important, as is being social and spending time with one’s peer group where real-time laughter and real vibrations are present. That’s where we learn appropriate reactions to human faces that show emotion. Those human interactions are vital to our growth. Not only do they make us feel good, but they regulate our central nervous systems. You cannot sustain deep relationships with your girlfriends by just Facetiming them. The physiological presence is lacking, and you don’t pick up the same cues as you do in real life. No device can ever replace that. Technology has far more insidious effects and I’d like to see more parental helicoptering there. I would encourage parents to let their children go out into the world and take risks – within reason, of course. It’s important that they retain their natural curiosity and learn from the actual experience of interacting with the real world.”

She takes that natural interactive experience further:

“Our biology as humans hasn’t changed. Children ought to go outside in nature and get dirty. They need to socialize with other kids at the park and learn how to cope with even the rougher stuff. It teaches them about life – having that personal interaction.”

Dos Gardenias premium Japanese

The unique aspect of every child makes it difficult for me to give universal advice to parents. But what I will say, and it’s certainly helped me with my girls when they became teenagers and young adults: get rid of the expectation that the language that works for you is going to be the language that resonates with them. What you learn is that your kids have a unique path and your job is to try to help them figure out who they are and encourage them in their path

“I interviewed someone recently and there’s a book about this called ‘The Digital Delusion’ by Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath. If you have school-going kids, it’s a book worth reading. We are being told that AI can do everything better because you can customize it for your kid. However, learning is experiential. There’s a spatial awareness to learning and that’s why reading real hard copy books is important because when we know where we are on a page, the mapping process and spatial engagement helps us to learn. The ease of something can never replace the valuable components that come with touching and feeling something and remembering placement. When you are online, you’re engaged but the learning element is compromised. There are new opportunities for parents to help their kids through this with small changes that will benefit them. That will make up for a learning environment that has become increasingly one-dimensional. The interaction between teachers and students is vital. Staring at a laptop does not reap the same developmental dividends.”

Laird and Gabby have been married almost 30 years and Gabby has accrued pertinent relationship wisdom. She shares her greatest teaching moments with us on that topic.

“If your partner goes low, stay high. With time, you build a body of evidence or deposits in your relationship. If someone is having a really bad day, that’s a great opportunity to remember all the good things about them and give them the benefit of the doubt. If you know that the core of someone is well intended and you know that they love you deeply, them having a bad day or a couple of days doesn’t hit you so hard because that person has earned your respect through the years. You give them grace, and you hope that they afford you the same grace when you are having a bad day. I have a very physically imposing husband. He’s also very safe. What I’ve learned is that if we are in a conflict, instead of getting defensive, it’s essential to lean into the love part. Be willing to put your hand on their shoulder, even if you don’t feel like it. It’s the far better move because it de-escalates the situation and it shows the strength of wanting to resolve it. We have to let go of always wanting to be right and that often comes from fear. If we let go of that fear and put our hand on that person, the message is that you are trying to understand them, and they will reciprocate. I’ve learned something for sure, and I’ve said it recently on an anniversary post: picking a partner that truly loves you and makes you operate on the better side of you is inestimably valuable. I was not a great girlfriend, and in the first couple of years of my marriage to Laird, I fell short. I became a much better partner when I allowed myself to become more vulnerable. I recognized that looking for the exit sign the moment things got hard – was not the right answer. I also recognized that when I go high when my partner is low, I like myself a lot more. I try to live by a code where I stay on the best side of my being. When I was a child, the first sign of trouble would prompt me to react negatively where I’d say, ‘I don’t trust that person’ and I’d look for the exit door. It’s so different now. I look at our marriage and I say, ‘I want to be here. I know the reasons I’m in this relationship.’ When you know you are really giving your relationship a go, and you are not doing tit for tat, you are less attached to the outcome because you are concentrating on making the current situation better and you are simply being a decent human-being helping another decent person that you love.”

Clothes: Lululemon. Pickleball paddle: Cynthia Rowley

If Vogue were to do a shoot with me and put me in high-fashion couture outfits, I would do it in a heartbeat. I LOVE those shoots. This cover shoot that Anne Menke did for Westlake Malibu Lifestyle is athletic and natural. My moods can accommodate both. Doing beautiful pictures that are an exaggerated version of myself are wonderful to do. There’s a time and a place for everything

Achieving optimal health carries an inestimable quality-of-life value. Gabby shares these golden nuggets:

“Five years ago, I would have told you that sleep and nutrition are the two most important things, but I’ve since learned that getting our bodies into an optimum place involves sunlight. We’ve been made to feel afraid of the sun and I’m not saying go out into it at midday in summer. Expose your eyeballs to the sun without sunglasses in the early morning or late afternoon because that connection sets up our biological systems. It regulates our circadian rhythms via light entering our eyes; it boosts our vitamin D (most of us are deficient in Vitamin D so I’m a champion for correcting that deficiency) and serotonin. Sunlight is the fundamental energy source for life that influences our internal clocks.”

She continues:

“To the best of your ability without stress, access clean air and water. Consistency and frequency are key when it comes to physical exercise. Variety is important. On some days you want to huff and puff, and on other days you want to pick up something heavy, especially women because we need to retain and build muscle for longevity. Try to move a bit of weight using tension a couple of days a week. Even if you just go on long walks, that’s highly beneficial.”

“Sleep is important. If you struggle with sleep, try to go to bed at the same time every night and try to wake up at the same time. It gets your body into a healthy rhythm. Also, try to breathe through your nose only. It is better for your health, your jaw, your teeth and it keeps you calmer. If you can take three to five deep breaths a minute while sitting at your desk, that is beneficial. Try to vary your eye distances and take a break from the constant computer screen. There’s a great book called, “I Know I should Exercise But…” It encourages us to get up every 30 minutes and just move around a bit. There are so many little things we can do that aren’t hard and they become potent when you stack them up week after week.”

Gabby’s final piece of wisdom holds great power because it’s a reflection of her grounded authenticity. She shares it with emotional conviction in her voice:

“Break bread. Cook for your loved ones and friends. I know it takes time chopping up the vegetables; I’m right there with you, but it’s so worth it. We need to share food with our community and our loved ones.”

Our sincere thanks go out to IconicFocus Models NYC/LA